Happy Birthday Beth!

I am going to put this out in the open. Beth’s birthday is today, and of course I have had something knitterly planned to give her. Well…let’s backtrack here. I had something knitterly planned to give her for Christmas, as Christmas approached, I realized this gift would not be done in time, so I quickly put together the Orange Helix scarf—which was much appreciated. As her birthday approached, I worked on the delayed Christmas present now converted to birthday present and realized to my utter self-contempt and disbelief that I—who is incredibly organized and neurotic when it comes to these matters to the point that I have individual projects placed in their own Ziploc bags containing their notes and their patterns sheathed in their own protective page protectors, with places I stopped duly marked with post-it notes containing necessary details—this trait that I so pride myself for inheriting from my likewise very organized mother—did not clearly leave myself a note to notice where I left off concerning said birthday sock. I was lost. I did not know where to begin. So, in my irritation, I thought, no matter, I was not that far ahead, not much time has been invested, I know I made a mistake or two anyway, so I frogged the thing and decided to start over. Not only did I start over I also convinced myself that the pattern I was working with lost its spark and that in my delusion, I thought that to keep things interesting I should pick a totally different pattern. No matter, let’s just pick. Ya. Let’s. Let’s just pick mmmm, moss stitch, sure, can’t be too difficult, easy peasy.

Now, before I continue on to perhaps make myself look selfish, you must understand that I love Beth. Beth is a good friend, she is a confidante and a colleague and appreciates knitterly things, so I’d just about knit most anything for her to celebrate her birth. You also need to understand that Beth is a tall girl, like supermodel tall, and scientifically speaking from a physiological point of view, in order to be as tall as Beth, one needs feet that can support that height. What I’m trying to say is Beth has big feet, not in a bad way, she’s perfectly proportional, her feet are proportional to her height, it’s not like she’s 4’9” with size 11 feet, Beth’s got to be pushing 6’ tall so she needs feet that size. And in my haste to choose a gift, and a pattern, and to frog and to choose a new pattern, I did not choose appropriately. I chose to knit Beth socks in the most monotonous and painful stitch I have encountered for socks ever…the moss stitch. K2 P2 all the way around then P2 K2 all the way around, then K2 P2 all the way around then P2 K2 all the way around. Round and round for 80+ stitches, each row for a 7” cuff, and 10” of foot times 2 using size 1 needles. At first it was fine, I was fine, the sock was fine, I thought I could do it. Then I passed the heel of one sock and saw that I was not even halfway there. So I thought, well, if I cast on for the other sock it wouldn’t be too bad. So I did and started the cuff and part of the leg. Then the dread came, then the tight ball of anxiety in my chest got worse, then the wandering thoughts of what I’d much rather do…like taxes, dusting, laundry, cleaning the bathroom, finding a stray feral cat and giving it a bath. I was done for.

So, Beth, in celebration of your birth, I discontinued the socks and decided to make something else. This knitterly object is better and full of love and not a single stitch of resentment. I know you’ll understand that it’s not worth my sanity to make you socks that contained a single stitch that I loathed—also considering that school starts next week and I need as much sanity as I can muster to get me through the Spring semester. I know, it was bad judgment on my part, I think had I stuck to the first pattern it would have turned out better, but…well…anyway, so there. Just to make it clear, it was me, not you, and not your feet.

So happy birthday to you Beth!

P.S. Beth, if you are reading this, you need to choose an evening that we can get together so that you can be showered with love and gifts.

P.P.S. I will post a photo of the new birthday gift after Beth has received it